I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
