Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
