He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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