the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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