Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
