So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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