there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
