Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
