my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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