why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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