She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
