so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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