singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
