We won't sleep together?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
