It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
