life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Everything about him screamed your future.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Your cock deserves a montage
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
