I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
