Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
