Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We're too hungover to prance.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
