Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
