mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize