The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
