yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
it glows. i had to have it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
