Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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