okay pat passed out under dana's car
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
