My first STD was from a foam party
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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