Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
