drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize