I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
