Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
