I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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