if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
