Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can't turn off my feet"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
