were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
