I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
