oh god the rape fog is back!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
