I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
In America we eat man semen.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
