I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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