i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
