i need an iv and a liver transplant
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
