I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
