let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
