whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
