I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
