The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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