therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
