It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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