I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
