Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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