lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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