PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
