I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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