So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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