how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
