I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
