Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everyone says I win the strip club
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
