so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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