we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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