I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
