The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
