And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
