we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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