Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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