I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm having to shit out rocks
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
