oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think I am morally bankrupt
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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