he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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