Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
